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Global Warming Consensus Alert: GWCW IS A TOOL OF EXXON

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In what might be the coolest thing ever to happen to me, a Grand Rapids-based “progressive” news outlet has implied that I – as the creative dynamo behind the beloved and highly anticipated Global Warming Consensus Watch posts – am little more than a corporate stooge of Exxon. Yes, the good folks at Media Mouse are pointing the righteous finger of progressive accusation at yours truly for the unimaginable crime of “…running a regular blog feature dedicated to challenging the idea that there is scientific consensus on global warming. These recent activities fit within a history of advocating industry-friendly ‘free-market’ policies and attacking environmental regulations.” Acton also stands accused of giving a forum to an individual with nonstandard and non-“progressive” opinions on both the subject of Global Warming and Corporate Social Responsibility, Mr. Fred Smith. Thoughtcrime, my friends! Thoughtcrime!

Naturally, there must be a reason that we at Acton are so willing to engage in this sort of dangerous expression of subversive views, and Media Mouse has found the smoking gun: a $50,000 contribution to Acton – for general operations – from the Exxon Foundation! Yes, that must be it! That must explain why I, while browsing news on the internet, regularly notice articles published by independent news sources in which the “scientific consensus on global warming” is called into question by 1) scientists or 2) new scientific findings. (Presumably, the media outlets that publish these articles – which include Reuters, The Rocky Mountain News, The International Herald Tribune, The Huntsville Times, and The Financial Times among many others – must also be under the thumb of Exxon, as they’re the ones who actually publish the news articles that I have the audacity to notice.)

So I guess it’s settled: I am little more than a whore for Exxon. Each morning, I receive my talking points from corporate HQ, and every Friday I head down to my local Exxon station to pick up my bag of filthy oil money, a portion of which I use to light cigars that I then extinguish on the backs of the various downtrodden and oppressed wage slaves that I have acquired through my support of “free markets” to do menial labor on my palatial estate while I crank out another issue of Global Warming Consensus Watch.

Or perhaps I simply believe that the science isn’t as settled on this issue as groups like Media Mouse claim, and enjoy presenting a contrary view. Perhaps I didn’t know (and frankly couldn’t care less now that I do know) that Acton does, or ever has received support from Exxon.

Naaah, that couldn’t be it. It must be that we’re all corrupt. So I thought I’d do everyone a favor by just getting it out in the open once and for all.

I am an enemy of the people.

By the way, climate change is normal. And pay no attention to the massive disparity in the amount spent by Exxon in grants to organizations that oppose global warming alarmism last year ($2 million) versus the amount paid out to various alarmist organizations ($100-$150 million). And certainly don’t read this article, which notes that the “gotcha!” funding game can cut both ways. OOH! There I go again with the filthy dirty LIES!

More lies after the jump.

Man, I’d love to get some of these printed on T-shirts. Feel free to submit your own ideas.

Parting thought:

Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?… Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?…The whole climate of thought will be different. In fact, there will be no thought, as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.

Marc Vander Maas


  • Wait, I don’t get it. Some of those things you have in the word bubble are obviously true, while others are patently false. Like, for instance, “climate change is normal,” seems to be true. But “Lindsey Lohan is sober,” has a pretty low probability of being true, given that it is daylight in the Western timezone.

    But, then again, the figure DOESN’T have any facial features. What’s true and what’s false? You are just spreading disinformation…

    You’re like Travelocity’s [url=]Roaming Gnome[/url], the denouncer of travel myths, who in the same commercial says that two different things are both myths, but then promptly proves that at least one of them IS a myth.

  • Marc Vander Maas

    Yeah, Yeah, I know. Although i could argue that I [i]DO[/I] in fact have facial features, and that therefore it was Greenpeace that lied by putting that faceless image in there to imply that I am actually a faceless corporate stooge. But I digress. I’m swimming in so much oil money here that I don’t really care.

  • Enough Atmospheric Photosynthesis will turn off Global Warming By inventor Steven Craig

    With a thousand theories rolling around about how to end global warning, I noticed something that science had long ago revealed but never noticed. And it is literally so cold it will drastically change our understanding of Global Warming:

    Science has known for many years that the oxygen in our air gets there through plants photosynthesizing water with solar energy. They do this to separate the hydrogen from the water to cook it up with carbon to make carbo-hydrates, (plant food).

    They also know that plants get their carbon from CO2 in our air that is a waste product of our bodies and everything else that also burns organic fuels. They also know that all plants need very little oxygen left over from the water separated so they just release it into our air.

    Engineers know that nature’s only one step rapid cooling method is ‘Expansion’.

    I have not seen any scientific explanation of global warming that accounts for the fact that every atom of oxygen released by photosynthesis also expands about 800 times, which is roughly the difference in weight between water and gasses in air at sea level.

    That canned gas we use to clean keyboards and electronics with can frostbite after expanding several hundred times. To there is no doubt that this massive expansion occurs because the oxygen was in water molecules so it has to massively expand.

    Most scientists seem to be blaming our very high levels of C02 for holding more heat in the atmosphere, so it seems logical that fossil fuels must be the cause. But over the last hundred and fifty or so years, according to NASA web sites, humans have mowed down around 80% of earth’s heaviest atmospheric vegetation, so it is no longer around to eat nearly as much C02, so the levels greatly increase naturally.

    Even considering 20% of photosynthesis taking place in earth’s atmosphere is gone, would still cause a large increases in C02 levels because the natural method earth uses to inhale that pollutant is no longer here.

    Toss in my bone cracking cold observation about what Photosynthesis exhales and it is obvious why earth is warming up like an iced tea sitting on a table in the hot sun.

    Some scientists will say “Its more complicated then that”, since that saves them from explaining how they missed the fact that every atom of oxygen naturally released bone cracking cold. It is normal for science to deny the most obvious things.

    For 50 after Europeans discovered that infections were caused by contamination, the American Medical Society denied that their American surgeons also needed to wash their hands before surgery, (after was cool) they would have looked stupid, had they eagerly agreed.

    Science is debating if a space shade umbrella is possible in the next thirty or so years, when all we really need to do is to irrigate earth’s hottest deserts with the fresh water our large rivers just dump into our salty oceans, also using desalinization and huge ice bergs.

    If we can pipe huge amounts of oil 2000 miles across frozen mountains and tundra, irrigating deserts that are already under seal level should be a peace of cake. We could almost use long hoses and the siphon effect.

    Turning even some of earth’s hottest spots into cooler paradises would not only be much faster and cheaper then a space umbrella, it would provide the world with an economic bonanza, millions of tons of food, new inhabitable lands for exploding populations and much more.

    I won’t even start on how great this would also be for endangered species or how it would help lower the raising tides.

    Steven Craig

  • Dan VandeBunte

    I knew you were a tool way back when we met at Calvin. First you were a tool of Dominos, coaxing me into spending my hard earned money on pizza. Then you were a tool of the anti-Jocelyn Elders camp, using your post at MFUC to make me fight for control of whatever it was we were fighting for control of. The EXXON thing is new, though. Congratulations are in order? No?

    I challenge the belief that Lowes is the best place to buy home improvement supplies. Does that make me a tool of Home Depot?

    That last line was intended to be a joke. Tool?…Home Depot?… Anyone?…Is this thing on?…

  • Marc Vander Maas

    Any more jokes like that and I’ll shut down the comments for good.

    You have been warned.

  • Dan VandeBunte

    How about this one for a “GWCW IS PUMPING OUT LIES” cartoon; “Studies Say Death Penalty Deters Crime”. That was an actual headline on Ah, duh?

  • I was thinking over your “oxygen gas from liquid water means expansion therefore cooling” theory. It would work great if the oxygen didn’t “compress” back into solids and liquids elsewhere.

    At a macro level, since the oxygen doesn’t disappear as soon as the plant produces it, it goes on to react with other materials, transitioning back and forth, solids, liquids and gases. It all balances out, because for all intents and purposes the cumulative matter on earth is a closed system, at a remarkably “stable” thermodynamic equilibrium, considering all the various forces, transport mechanisms and organisms involved.

    However, I don’t know how you could have missed the micro level. You know that the same plant that produces the oxygen gas also consumes CO2 gas, converting it into a solid (cellulose) or a liquid (sap, nectar, etc.). That “compression” produces heat that cancels out your oxygen cooling mechanism.

    Just how hard did you look for a “scientific explanation”?

    Plants cool off because the liquid water absorbed by the roots is expelled by the leaves as water vapor. That’s where your expansion cooling comes from. There is no mysterious “extra cooling”.

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